Monday, April 29, 2013

The best 100

In 2014, Touchwood Editions plans to release a book about books – specifically, BC’s greatest 100 books.

Ever.

Since their criteria defining a BC book seemed pretty open-ended, I devised my own. 

My key consideration? Would the work be essentially different if the book’s BC-related elements happened someplace else?

Consider for example Douglas Coupland’s Girlfriend in a Coma.Weather (specifically, in North Vancouver and West Van) plays a huge role in the overall atmosphere of the book. It would be nowhere as haunting if it were set in a place where the sun doesn’t seem like such a rare commodity. Fog, soggy lawns, abundant winter greenery – all contribute to the novel, almost serve as one of the book’s characters in furthering the story.

I’ll admit, I’ve pushed the BC boundary with a few, but only with books too good to ignore. Besides, in these instances, the authors (LeonaGom and Howard O’Hagan) have each spent a considerable part of their life in British Columbia.

And in one case, I’ve included a book strictly on its one-of-a-kind-ness, coupled with the fact the author, Mark Harris, was a longtime BC resident who must not be forgotten. He knew more about cinema than any other British Columbian ever has, and likely ever will. 

Many of the books on my list have already been granted awards and honours. But I like to think there might be a few here that have flown under the radar by mistake or oversight. 

One such nominee, by local writer Margo Bates, is the funny and sad (and oh-so-real) P.S. Don’t Tell Your Mother.

And wouldn’t you know, there’s one that I can’t fix a title to. I’m remembering a small (and beautifully produced) book of essays that tracks the seasons of the year by using the device of 13 moons. Each month’s moon has a name (e.g. Hunter’s Moon, Harvest Moon) and the seasons reveal themselves through beautiful word sketches. I’ve poked around and even asked a few writers if they remember this book, but no one seems to. Who knows, maybe I dreamed it.

For what it’s worth, here, in no particular order, is my current list.


Joy Kogawa, Obasan
Howard O’Hagan, Tay John
Ethel Wilson, Swamp Angel
Douglas Coupland, Girlfriend in a Coma
Daniel Francis, ed. Encyclopedia of British Columbia
John Armstrong, Wages
Bill Gaston, The World
Emily Carr, Klee Wyck
George McWhirter, ed. A Verse Map of Vancouver
Brian Brett, Trauma Farm
Al Purdy, Cariboo Horses
Gurjinder Basran, Everything was Goodbye
Brian Fawcett, Virtual Clearcut
John Gould, Kilter: 55 Fictions
June Hutton, Underground
Grant Buday, Stranger on a Strange Island [or White Lung]
William Gibson, Neuromancer [the complete Cyberspace trilogy; failing that, this book]
Leona Gom, The Y Chromosome
Charlotte Gill, Eating Dirt
Paul St. Pierre, Breaking Smith’s Quarter Horse
Gary Geddes, ed. Skookum Wawa
Mark Harris, Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood
Susan Juby, Alice, I think
Maggie deVries, Missing Sarah
Evelyn Lau, Runaway
Anne Cameron, Daughters of Copper Woman
Margo Bates, P.S. Don’t Tell Your Mother
Alan Twigg, First Invaders: Literary Origins of British Columbia
Susan Musgrave, Origami Dove
Steven Price, Into that Darkness
George Ryga, The Ecstasy of Rita Joe
Stephen Hume, Bush Telegraph
Malcolm Lowry, October Ferry to Gabriola
Kate Braid, To this Cedar Fountain
Betty Lambert, Crossings
Audrey Thomas, Intertidal Life
Howard White, Writing in the Rain

Not up to 100 yet. Which books would you add?

Monday, April 22, 2013

A face for Earth Day

For a glimpse at some other faces appropriate to Earth Day, even if not as happy, click here. Or, better yet, get yourself outside today and put one foot in front of the other. Walk lightly on the Earth.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Not a trilogy...

…more of a hat trick.

I’ve been lucky enough to have work selected for three new anthologies. The tricky bit has been the fact that launch events for all of them have been over the course of the last week. Exhausting? Yes. Nonetheless, exciting, that’s for sure.

One of the books, Jack Layton: Art in Action, commemorates Jack Layton, the best prime minister Canada never got the chance to have. The other two – Force Field and Alive at the Center – are strictly poetry, a most appropriate way to observe National Poetry Month, a celebration that takes place throughout the month of April, not only here in Canada, but also in the U.S.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a poet, take some time to appreciate the beauty this month brings. In case some words of wonder whisper themselves in your ear, write ’em down. Who knows, you may find that they turn themselves into a poem. 

Monday, April 08, 2013

A courage of nettles


As with just about every plant and weather phenomenon, superstitions are part of the lore of nettles. Gathering nettles has become a spring ritual for us. When the nettles are ‘just right’ it’s a sure sign that winter is behind us. Although seeking courage wasn't part of our quest (nor was protection from lightning, though that sounds like a good thing), the word 'courage' seemed like a good collective noun for a bunch of them. 

We looked for nettles in early March, and though we found a few, they weren’t quite tall enough for picking. About 8 inches seems best – with plenty of leaf, but easy enough to cut without harming the plant.

Then, in early April, we decided to try again. And yes, they were the right height – and abundant.

Picking three bags (ordinary, shopping-type bags) left us with two bags once the leaves had all been stripped from the stems.

Then, eight pots of water later, eight little bags were lightly steamed and ready for the freezer. Best of all, once they’ve been blanched, their nasty sting (which Hans Christian Andersen's courageous princess endured) is gone.

I’ll use these throughout the year – sometimes in combination with spinach, sometimes on their own – in lasagnas, cannelloni or spanakopita. 

Iron-rich and flavourful, they’re a forager’s dream. 



Monday, April 01, 2013

Coconut dreams

If we weren't home from our holiday, this is where I’d be today – attending the Coconut Fest on the east end of Grand Bahama Island.

The palms on last week’s post are the same kind used to decorate the bandstand pictured here. And yes, they go all the way around.

Among treats we’ll be missing are coconut tarts. For the camera’s sake, a half of one survived long enough for this shot. And somewhat weirdly, this was exactly the shape of the moon in this morning's pre-dawn sky.

If there’s ever another time for the Bahamas, I’d like to try to make a point of being there for Easter Monday, as that’s the date for this annual festival that celebrates the bounty of the coconut. Coconut tarts, coconut buns, and something called a coconut 'jimmy' -- these sound like a doughy concoction with coconut between its layers.

Oh, and just in case you need a better look than the peek provided in the photo above, this is the beach. Crowded, eh…

Monday, March 25, 2013

Palmate

When I was growing up, one of the (few) days on the church calendar that made any sense to me was Palm Sunday – and maybe not so much that it made sense, as that it made me happy to be at church that day.

I suspect what I liked was the fact that Palm Sunday was the day we received a swath of palm leaf. Although only a small token, that dried bit of palm felt like a gift – the single day at church when, instead of just throwing coins into a basket, we got something back.

I came to associate the day with things changing, going forward. It may have been Palm Sunday when my parents decided to buy the house they’d been considering. I think I met one of my best boyfriends that day. Silliness perhaps, but a person seeking direction is alert to points that may be worth marking.

Yesterday was this year’s Palm Sunday, and though I can’t say I noticed any big shift going on in my life, I did discover some beautiful palms. I bet they’re the same variety that would have been blessed and distributed had I still been someone who believed in going to church.

As with so many religious observances, when it comes to Palm Sunday there’s some crossover in the events of origin. Jesus, who was a Jew (a fact that some Christians may find heretical) was riding a donkey into Jerusalem as he was preparing to celebrate Passover.
He was greeted by people laying palms along the ground. And today – at least in Canadian time zones – is the first day of Passover.

Even though I don’t follow any particular religion anymore, it’s clear that those early lessons were imprinted, as some of those early-learned stories appear now and then in one of my poems.

Whether this is the week when you observe rituals associated with Holy Week (pre-Easter) or Passover, or simply the changing of the seasons, may it be a time when you can hold your own palm open to whatever lies ahead.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Finding balance

Even though it's not quite officially spring, many of the flowers know better. Crazily, I had to go uptown to shoot this image, as the squirrels had efficiently eaten the budding heads off all the daffodils in our yard. As far as I can tell, they didn't leave a single one. I can only hope the pesky critters got their fill and will leave the rest of this spring's bulbs alone. 

Technically, the equinox doesn't happen until Wednesday, and for most of us, it'll be while we're sleeping. So unless you want to set an alarm, it probably won't be a year to do the egg-balancing experiment.

Still, there are plenty of other ways of seeking balance in our lives. The first that comes to mind is likely diet -- in the foods we choose to eat. The one I'm trying to pay more attention to this year is trickier (at least for me), the ongoing delicate balance between work and play. This week, Spring Break, the goal is play.

Monday, March 11, 2013

What the Robin Saw

Spring is when I usually get around to washing the windows. The accumulated grime of winter (compounded by the ongoing construction next door) gets to a point where I get out the vinegar and newspapers and clear them off. This year, I have (beyond the sawdust) a new sort of 'dirt'.

Yesterday I noticed what looked like a gazillion little scratches in the glass. Looking more closely, I realized the marks weren't scratches, but splashes of bird poop!

Last year, a pair of robins built a nest and raised a family in an outbuilding I call 'the boat house'. This year, though the old nesting spot exists, the robin seems to be looking elsewhere -- into the room where we watch tv.

I don't think it's that he wants to watch the nature channel. I suspect it's that he's interested in the hibiscus tree behind the window. The little tree is still inside for the winter (it goes outside in May, for Queen's birthday), but its blossoms are putting on quite a summery show.

This morning, despite the fact that the blind's been pulled so he doesn't have to gaze in at the tree's alluring form, he's still hanging around, as if hoping that little tropical-looking world might open its doors to welcome him.

I just hope his apparently desperate building urges don't mean we're in for a lollapalooza of a springtime storm. But then, maybe some heavy rains would help loosen at least that window's current grime.


Monday, March 04, 2013

Plying BC's watery highways

It seems I've been doing a lot of travelling lately -- especially on BC's watery highways. Last weekend's trip to Powell River meant four ferry rides, two each way. And this week saw just about as many, though these trips were to different destinations, and on different days.

There's been plenty of rumbling and grumbling since the ferries were privatized (or at least semi-privatized, depending who you talk to) a few years back. The biggest complaints have focused on the rate increases, especially as these have been coupled with cutbacks to service.

Among rumours flying recently has been one suggesting that the route between Comox (on Vancouver Island) and Powell River might be cut. This would see passengers from Powell River needing to take three ferries (and driving over 100 km along the Sunshine Coast), then driving another 100 km once they got to Vancouver Island (at Nanaimo) just so they could get across a relatively short span of water to Comox. The current ferry ride takes an hour and twenty minutes. The impossible-sounding 'new' route would take a full day.

This kind of thinking makes me crazy. And I'm sure the people of Powell River and Comox (and the rest of the upper Island) aren't nuts about the idea either.

There's apparently a survey of ferry services in the works, one we should be seeing a report on pretty soon. My best suggestion for raising more funds for our highways is to toll the folks who use the fabulously-expensive-to-build Sea to Sky Highway, the one that gets skiers from Vancouver to their mountain chalets. But I suppose that's another story -- and likely just another pocket we taxpayers get to keep filled.

I've complained in the past that the boats don't appear as well maintained as I remember them being while they were government-run (as the rest of our highways still sort of are). But rust aside (and yes, it's everywhere once you're out on the decks, away from the glitz of the lounges and shops), staff on the ferries remain friendly and welcoming.

In fact, on last week's return trip from Nanaimo, two of the crew members remembered me from when I'd gone over earlier in the day. And no, I didn't have purple feathers sticking out of my head. I was just me.

As with just about everything in this world, the bottom line can't always be money. The part that should matter more when decisions get made is what the effects will be on people. As Maude of Harold and Maude once said on the subject of people, "Well, they're my species." Mine too.


Monday, February 25, 2013

Weekend in Powellywood

Through a fortunate set of circumstances, we spent the weekend at a film festival in beautiful Powell River, B.C.

Best of all, we were guests at the festival, with everything from film passes and accommodation to food and even the cost of ferries included.

It’s clear that the Powell River Film Festival, established in 2002, is a community-based event, with oodles of volunteers working various aspects of the festival. A raft of sponsors were credited, most of them local businesses. It was good to know who these were, as it was that much easier to pull out the plastic and buy goods from them while we were in town.

The films were shown at the historic Patricia Theatre, claimed by many to be the oldest continuously operating theatre in Canada. 

While the range of films scheduled was excellent, with foreign films, documentaries and locally produced efforts being shown, my favourite was the indie film, Breakfast with Curtis. To my mind, it’s the 2012 equivalent of Harold and Maude

Not that it’s a romance; it isn’t. It’s more about community. And if the community portrayed is offbeat, there’s much to be said for the way a group of such different people can respect and enjoy each other. The film reminds how important it is to live fully. And really, I don’t think you can walk away from it without feeling better than you did going in.

But the Festival offered more than just an array of terrific films. A mosaic of arts was on display at Dwight Hall, another of the buildings in Powell River's Historic Townsite. There were quilts, live music, paintings and prints. Food and drink as well as cultural and information booths were also there. Several displays brought my attention to the importance of community in Powell River. This is definitely a town that’s moving in many positive directions.

One of the most encouraging aspects of the festival was its focus on youth. In addition to hosting a weekend film camp for young filmmakers, they sponsored a province-wide competition for 5-minute films. I attended the very classy awards ceremony on Saturday afternoon. Prizes included scholarships to the Gulf Islands Film School, swag from many businesses and organizations, including the NFB. These ‘Bests’ were given, much as the Oscars are, for editing, writing, sound design, camera work, animation, drama and documentary.

As for the supposed ‘real thing’ from Hollywood last night, with its tasteless jokes and whiff of fixing, I prefer my memories from the little festival that could.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Isn't today supposed to be a holiday?

The long-promised February holiday, at that.

For years, the people of BC have been lagging behind the rest of Canada, waiting for that long weekend break that would mark the almost-halfway point between Christmas and Easter.

When the holiday was first proposed, a lonnnng time ago, it was suggested that the day coincide with designating the Maple Leaf as the emblem for our flag. Since that was first made official on February 15, 1965, the date suggested was the third Monday in this, the shortest (even though it often feels the longest) month.

Although many Canadian provinces and territories now have a February holiday, nobody calls it Flag Day. While that's fine with me -- face it, it sounds way too patriotic -- it is a bit odd that there are so many different names for the February observance.

In Prince Edward Island it's called Islander Day. Straightforward and to the point, very PEI'ish.

Manitoba celebrates an important figure from its history by naming their holiday Louis Riel Day.

The Yukon does things its own way and not only has its own name for the day, but its own day. They celebrate on the last Friday of the month, so this year's Heritage Day turns out to be February 22nd. I'm thinking a Friday holiday sounds like more fun than a Monday one. After all, did you ever hear anyone say TGIM?

About the only consistent name for this holiday is Family Day, the term it's known by in Alberta, Saskatchewan and Ontario.

And this year we in BC get added to the list of those celebrating Family Day. But while the rest of the provinces get their holiday today, the third Monday in the month, we had ours all on our own last week. What the heck is that about?

We know that Christy Clark doesn't always see eye-to-eye with the other premiers, but really, does her personal 'drum' have to dictate its beat to the rest of us?

Or is this date to commemorate our expen$ive Olympics from 2010 which opened the second weekend in February? If that really is the case, you'd think -- especially with the financial woes her party keeps trying to explain away -- Clark would have quietly gone along with the rest of the country and chosen the third weekend too.

Happy Family Day today to most of Canada.

Monday, February 11, 2013

There's no iron in irony

And now there's no iron in the Monopoly set. The little metal token has been removed by a forum on that most faceless of juries, Facebook.

What has been lost seems more than just a piece of metal (or, as is likely in some of the newer sets, plastic). It's the loss of a piece that was in the illustrations for the game's official patent in 1935. Of course, as so often seems to be the case, a version of the game had already been around for several decades -- one that had been invented by a woman. Still, the game most of us know goes back to that one invented in the depths of the Great Depression and served as a pastime for dreamers, with visions of getting rich.

Although there are websites refuting the idea that the Monopoly tokens might have had any particular significance, I can't help but think they probably did. The thimble? Dressmakers and tailors. The cannon/artillery, the military. The hat? Since it's the same as the one on the head of Mr Monopoly, the character associated with the game, let's say that personifies the entrepreneur. The ship? Transportation. The shoe? This one's probably the trickiest. Athletes didn't yet get anything like today's big bucks, so that was hardly one of the main streams of employment. My guess is it might have been a good stand-in for those in sales. During the Depression, they must have gone through many a pair of shoes.

But back to the humble handiron. Surely, it stands for the realm of the domestic. The world of steady work that goes on in the home -- work for mostly no pay. Could that be why it's undervalued enough to now be voted out of the mix?

Yes, other tokens have changed over the years. There've been race cars, with and without driver inside. Rocking horse, rising horse (a la Roy Rogers' Trigger), lantern and purse. Oh yes, the little Scotty dog. Again, another connection to Mr Monopoly -- supposedly his dog.

And now, we get a cat. Hmm. I am stumped as to what significance this might bring. Don't get me wrong, I love kitties as much as anyone. I just don't see them as representative of any occupation. Hunters? Sleepers? Royalty? Perhaps. Or maybe the all-too-many who are under- or un-employed.

Maybe this is more than just a loss of trinket that served as token in a board game. Maybe it says something -- not about losing a sense of irony (that's supposedly been dead for years now) -- but about losing a sense of the meanings behind things, about losing a sense of symbol. And considering that symbol is the basis of art and even language, that's not a loss to take lightly.

PS The delightful fence of antiques in the photo has since been replaced by a boringly white picket one. And as far as I know, they didn't even take a poll on Facebook.

Monday, February 04, 2013

So, where do the pennies go now?

Will they go to heaven? After all, according to the song, that's supposedly where they came from.

But, what to do with the ones left in pockets, jars, the bottoms of old purses?

Word is that they'll be collected and melted down, but gosh, I'm trying to think of something more creative than just rolling them into tubes and taking them to the bank. Some kind of craZy coppery mosaic? Chunky necklaces or bracelets, an inset for a ring?? Experiments to get flattened on the railway tracks?

I can't help but be at least a little bit nostalgic. Playing cards with my Gramma for pennies. Collecting pennies in a quart-size glass milk bottle. All those phrases: penny for your thoughts, penny-ante, penny stocks, a bad penny. And what, if they still had them, would you put inside the flap of your penny loafers?

Oh, the sensory images they conjure...though I suppose if you never put a penny into your mouth, you might not understand. Really, could anything taste dirtier (or probably be ) dirtier than a penny? All those hands they'd have passed through. Even the sweaty smell of them conjures unpleasantness.

As of today, we're apparently not using them anymore. Strange, but when I ran my errands, the guy at the counter happily took the 4 cents portion of what I owed in pennies, didn't round it up and ask for a nickel instead.

And apparently nickels are next in line to go.

Who knows, maybe we'll all soon be stuck in the looney-only bin.

Monday, January 28, 2013

A not-so-nice surprise


When I looked out my office window yesterday afternoon, this was the sight that greeted me.

Where this chop-job now lies rotting stood three magnificent trees -- a Western hemlock, a Douglas fir and the tree considered sacred by many First Nations peoples, a Sitka spruce. There's a glimpse of their thick branches on a post from earlier this month, when the digger was creating the hole for the new home's foundation.

This happened Saturday afternoon, when both of us were away for an overnight in the city.

Clearly, there's nothing that can be done now.

I'd sure like to be able to fly over the fence to count the rings in that biggest stump. That's about the only honour I can think of that might bring some small honour to this mess.


Monday, January 21, 2013

Tonight's the night

... when the Township of Langley's Council will meet again to discuss the future of the McLellan Forest, also known as the Glen Valley parkland.

This is the forest that may still be sold to developers for proposed 'estate' homes, even though the provincial government has declared it to be of key ecological importance and defined it as an area that should be preserved.

The deal the Council offered Langley citizens earlier this fall was this: Raise $3 million in two months' time and we'll sell it to you so you can keep it as a park.

If you're scratching your head over how Council might be trying to sell public land to a group comprised of the public... you're not alone.

While the Council's goal is understandable -- they want to offset costs of a proposed rec centre -- they still don't seem to 'get' the fact that the plot of land in question is irreplaceable.

I'm hoping that the broad publicity garnered for this little tract of special forest has convinced Council members to find another parcel of land that could generate the income they're looking for.

Tonight, we shall see. Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Snow day play time

Yesterday surprised me with the arrival of snow, something we've not seen much of this winter -- a situation I must admit is pretty much fine with me.

Still, because I didn't have to go out in it, I didn't. I stayed in and did more prep towards the workshop I'll be leading at month's end.

I like to use Magnetic Poetry as a start-up exercise. Its limited vocabulary usually stymies people just enough without making them crazy with frustration. Because I'd recently found some 'extra' pieces, I resolved to divide them up and add them to the various bags I've collected.

To be fair, this means dividing them so no one gets stuck with a bag limited to the, an and for. In other words, this mean I sort the sets into categories: articles, adjectives, prepositions, etc.

It gets tricky with words that can work as more than one part of speech. Free. Is that an adjective or a verb? Spell. Is that a noun or a verb? Fly. Adjective, verb, noun? So, the sorting can get pretty complicated.

Still, it's the sort of play (another of those words -- noun, verb??) I enjoy. Especially on a day when it feels sooo much better to stay inside, while a pot of soup cooks itself slowly on the stove. Almost as much fun as those endless coloured buttons I used to love sorting, the ones from my gramma's button jar.

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Not quite Jurassic Park

Still, it kind of looks that way. A new house is going up next door, pretty much right outside the window of my office.

Those giant bite-dump machines always look like dinosaurs to me. And truly, the bumping and thumping (especially when the digger seemed to be head-butting the back end of a dump truck yesterday) sounds like a battle of the beasts.

At least I'm enjoying the light while it's still there. Three storeys, coming soon. Change. How resistant I can be to it!

Monday, December 31, 2012

A somewhat raggedy year end

So, what kind of year was 2012 for you? Google’s doodle for today provides a starting point for clicking on all kinds of events from the year. Without Google, who would have known that June 6th was the 79th anniversary of the first drive-in movie? They’ve even given us a review of theyear, complete with a spot for adding your resolution for 2013.

For us here at the home of the big limb, it was the Year of the Houseguest. We had people staying with us nearly every month this year. From Alberta, Ontario, even Australia. Luckily, our little house is good at expanding to meet whatever needs we might have.

Work-wise, almost enough progress was made. Guest spots at the Inaugural Cascadia Poetry Festival and at City Council in Surrey were some of the highlights.

Travel was focused on our part of the world, with ventures into Washington State and our own Gulf Islands. A personal highlight (and the most hopeful story of the year) was getting to see the progress made at the Elwha Dam site in Washington State. Imagine, un-building a dam to reinstate habitat for salmon!

So, why the photo of the raggedy Canadian flag?

On too many fronts it seems our country is in trouble – mainly as a result of actions taken by the increasingly frightening Harper regime, er, government.

What used to be known as the Navigable Waters Protection Act serves as just one example. Where waterways used to be protected, as of this fall, most no longer are. Even as the need grows more urgent, standards for safeguarding the environmental keep getting weaker. 

And while we get less protection for environment, we get more prisons, more prisoners, more offenses requiring minimum sentences.

And though there is apparently money for prisons, cultural and heritage institutions get cutbacks. The National Library and Archives, the CBC.

No more Gun Registry, despite recent events in the US which suggest that having such safeguards in place might be a very good idea. After all, the registry came about after our own mass shooting, the one at L’EcolePolytechnique on December 6, 1989. 

And the scariest part in all these scenarios is the fact that so much of it is being done without a shred of public debate. 

Luckily we have grassroots organizations such as Lead Now and Change.Org Avaaz and Idle No More. Maybe through using tools such as these (and perhaps even donating to them), we can continue having some positive effects.  

So, not exactly a resolution, more of a wish. What I’d like most for 2013 would be finding some way to convince this government to remember who they are supposed to be here for – us. Because I can't imagine what shreds of sane governance might be left if we really have to wait for the next election in 2015. 

Monday, December 24, 2012

And to all a good night!

 
It looks a bit like Santa has landed in Hawaii -- all those orchids flirting with him. That's not quite the case. It's just that this year our Mos Craciun finds himself windowside, on our 'plants' table. By luck, all three orchids are in bloom. Even the African violet is still blossoming.
 
Tonight's supper will be the traditional (for our family, at least) Swedish meatballs, though no, we're not Swedish. They just taste good.
 
Whatever the holiday traditions at your house may be, I hope that you'll enjoy celebrating in the company of those you love and who love you.